This is going to be a bit of a sad post, I know I haven't posted in a long time, I don't know if there is anyone out there who had been following the posts about Chloe. She was my Manx kitty and you can see her posts in the "My Cat Chloe" label on the archive.
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| Such a model <3 td=""> |
In July 2015, one day I noticed some strange behavior. She was eating her food and she kept dropping the piece of kibble she was trying to eat, and after a few times, she gave up and walked away from her bowl. This coming from the cat who inhales her entire bowl after you put it down, and has to be portion fed so she doesn't puke it back up.
So I scooped her up and thought I should have a look in her mouth, maybe her teeth are bothering her or something. I noticed that her tongue was a bit red underneath, and seemingly swollen. I lived across the street from the vet at the time so I put her in the carrier and walked her over to see if there was a last minute space available.
Fortunately, I got her in to see someone almost right away. They didn't see any injury to suggest she had bitten into something she shouldn't have, or caught and chased a wasp or something like that. But we could treat the inflammation anyway with medication and if it wasn't anything sinister, we should see a difference within the week. Until then I was to switch her to wet food, water it down and syringe feed her to make sure she gets the food and water she needs to stay healthy.
Syringe feeding her was a funny experience, the first time, was a challenge. I had to swaddle her in a blanket and hold her like a baby. But once she realized "Oh hey that's food" I could sit on the floor in the kitchen and she would walk right up and lap up the food with out issue. However she would get it all over her face and you had to be quick with the paper towel or she would shake it and you would be covered in sloppy wet cat food, and so would everything around you.
Nearly a week passed and there was no improvement, so we had to investigate the area with a biopsy. So she had to get put to sleep under and anesthetic and they had to take a sample from inside the tongue and run some tests.
I sat at home across the street and waited by the phone, so many things ran through my head. She was only 9 years old, which is still young for a well looked after house cat. She had cystitis but it was managed with a good diet and she was otherwise a healthy kitty. she was a little chubby, but not obese. I bathed her monthly, trimmed her nails, vert check up every year ect. I had NEVER considered I didn't have another near decade of time with her.
The phone rang, mid procedure. Its Carcinoma, in the Tongue. Its in an area where they cannot successfully operate to remove it. They ask me if I should bring her out of the anesthetic or not to say goodbye.I asked them to bring her back, so I could make her last days special. I couldn't bear the thought of not being able to tell her goodbye. Some folks may find it silly, and others wouldn't think twice about it. When you love animals as much as I do, and spend as much time with them as I do, you learn how intuitive they are. There are things, you KNOW they understand. You don't know how they know, they just do. So I had to make sure she knew how much she was loved. So I brought her home and she was so funny while the anesthetic was wearing off. She walked around drunk, but happy drunk. She was even more snugly than usual, and she was a VERY snugly kitty.
Chloe touched the lives of many people. I met so many people who absolutely despised cats, and she would win them over some how. So I had an opportunity for people to come by and see her for one last time. So I had some friends over, we played some Magic the Gathering, ordered some pizza and had she had a good cuddle sesh with lots of people who cared about her.
Chloe stayed with us for another week or so of syringe feeding. She seemed to be very happy and very much her self when I brought her home from the vet, and the anesthetic wore off. So I couldn't bring my self to say good bye just yet. She still seemed so stoked on life. The syringe feeding was challenging, but I didn't mind. Not if it meant I still had more time.
So I continued to syringe feed Chloe. I weighed her every morning, and tracked in a book in the kitchen how much food I managed to feed her and what her weight was at. See, when you water the food down, it turned a serving size into about 300ML's of liquid, and the largest syringe I could get was 50ML so refilling that and feeding it to her took a good hour, and sometimes at 200 or so she had enough and wanted a break. I would get up at 5 am and start giving her breakfast to make sure she got enough food in her before I had to get ready and going to the bus around 7:30 or so.
At the time a friend of mine lived on the bottom floor of my apartment building and he had a spare key, he would come up around lunch time and see what he could get her to eat. My roommates had tried to help out, but it wasn't something they were as comfortable doing as the friend who lived downstairs, so he volunteered as mid day nanny for Chloe. I would get text updates that I would check during my breaks in my work day, to see if she was doing okay and eating enough food.
I ultimately switched her from her bladder formula to a critical care formula. It had more calories ect for cats who might be struggling to eat.
Things were good for a couple weeks, and then one day her weight plummeted, in a period of 24 hours. I was so panicked, and my job at the time was far from my home. I couldn't check on her during the day, I don't drive. Even if I could get time off work (fat chance) I couldn't afford to, I had hundreds of dollars in vet bills to pay. Then my friend was having a hard time getting her to eat at lunch and I was so scared. I spent the day at work anxious, trying not to cry. I knew what I was being faced with, and didn't want to admit it. I wasn't ready. Please if she can just eat some more I will have more time.
Then on a Saturday I came home from work, and I unlocked the door.
Every single day, she would get up from where ever she was in the house and greet me at the door as I came in. She had done it for the last decade, every day with out fail. Even the day before, she got up, with her tongue sorta peeking out the side of her mouth. she would waddle over and greet me for a pat on the head.
This Saturday, August 1st 2015 was the first day she didn't greet me at the door. I looked over to her cat bed, she had turned her head over the side to see me. I looked at her and she didn't want to get up. She looked sad for the first time in her life. I put down my bags, and went over and sat down next to the bed on the floor. I pat her on the head and I only said one thing.
"I know"
It was time for us to say goodbye. The personality she had the day she came home from the vet, that told me she was still comfortable and happy, was gone. Its not fair to keep her here anymore, losing weight and waiting to die. I was worried sick about her all week, and that was not how we should have spent our last week together. It was tough on both of us. So I had to grow up, and do the right thing.
I phoned the vet office, and booked her euthanasia and cremation for the next morning.
My roommate accompanied me for the appointment.
9 am on Sunday Aug 2nd 2015
And I had to go to work, at 11 am afterwards.
(Yeah, I couldn't even get the day off work)
I now have her ashes on my shelf in a box with this photo on it
I was advertising a fundraiser with some of my jewelry, to raise money to cover her vet bills. If my friends wanted to toss in 10 bucks to help out, they should at least get something for it, like a pair of earrings or something. That's just how I was raised, every dollar has value and it doesn't come for free.
My grandmother, who isn't even very fond of cats, offered to help me recoup the vet bill for her cremation. It took a huge weight off my shoulders. Hand outs are not something we ask for, or expect in our family. Some families, with out question, ones parents or grandparents would offer or be asked to help pay. This isn't how our family is, so it meant that much more that she reached out and offered a hand, just from seeing my Facebook posts about raising money for Chloe with my earrings. Over all it was about a thousand dollars for the diagnosing, euthanasia and cremation.
I think about Chloe every day, and I think back to the times where she wanted affection and I was too busy to take time to cuddle with her. Maybe I had to do chores around the house on my only day off, or I was trying to make dinner, or carrying a load of groceries in and had no free hands to pet her.
The fact that I didn't get as much time with her as I expected taught me that sometimes the world can wait. The dishes, will be there tomorrow. I have more clothes that I think I do, and eventually, yeah. the laundry will get done.
Take time.
Its okay to spend half of your day off cuddling your cat on the couch.
That's you + her time. Its important.
You NEVER know when your time is up.
With your pets, or with anyone.
This lesson made me a better cat Mom for Arya.
She is the kitty I have now, also a rescue.
I will introduce her in a up coming post very soon
It has made me a better friend, and a better person.
I still need to work on making time for the people I love.
I don't spend enough time with my family, they live 4 hours away.
I don''t drive and they don't travel.
10 years goes by so much more quickly than you think.
Chloe was there for me in that 10 year span, and I didn't spend much of it being there for my family.
I wasn't there when Jack our family dog was also diagnosed with cancer and had to be put down. He was younger than Chloe when he was diagnosed.
We thought we had more time.
I said goodbye to him on the phone, again, because I couldn't get out of work.
So I am still working on trying to be there. I make time for the people here the best I can.
Its a struggle and it always will be.
Every time I think about Chloe I'm reminded how important it is.
Sometime today, think about someone you love, and make time.
Nearly a week passed and there was no improvement, so we had to investigate the area with a biopsy. So she had to get put to sleep under and anesthetic and they had to take a sample from inside the tongue and run some tests.
I sat at home across the street and waited by the phone, so many things ran through my head. She was only 9 years old, which is still young for a well looked after house cat. She had cystitis but it was managed with a good diet and she was otherwise a healthy kitty. she was a little chubby, but not obese. I bathed her monthly, trimmed her nails, vert check up every year ect. I had NEVER considered I didn't have another near decade of time with her.
The phone rang, mid procedure. Its Carcinoma, in the Tongue. Its in an area where they cannot successfully operate to remove it. They ask me if I should bring her out of the anesthetic or not to say goodbye.I asked them to bring her back, so I could make her last days special. I couldn't bear the thought of not being able to tell her goodbye. Some folks may find it silly, and others wouldn't think twice about it. When you love animals as much as I do, and spend as much time with them as I do, you learn how intuitive they are. There are things, you KNOW they understand. You don't know how they know, they just do. So I had to make sure she knew how much she was loved. So I brought her home and she was so funny while the anesthetic was wearing off. She walked around drunk, but happy drunk. She was even more snugly than usual, and she was a VERY snugly kitty.
 |
| This is us having a snuggle after coming home from the vet after her diagnosis |
Chloe touched the lives of many people. I met so many people who absolutely despised cats, and she would win them over some how. So I had an opportunity for people to come by and see her for one last time. So I had some friends over, we played some Magic the Gathering, ordered some pizza and had she had a good cuddle sesh with lots of people who cared about her.
 |
| If she wasn't in one of their laps, she was in the lid of Matthews Deck(s) Box. |
So I continued to syringe feed Chloe. I weighed her every morning, and tracked in a book in the kitchen how much food I managed to feed her and what her weight was at. See, when you water the food down, it turned a serving size into about 300ML's of liquid, and the largest syringe I could get was 50ML so refilling that and feeding it to her took a good hour, and sometimes at 200 or so she had enough and wanted a break. I would get up at 5 am and start giving her breakfast to make sure she got enough food in her before I had to get ready and going to the bus around 7:30 or so.
At the time a friend of mine lived on the bottom floor of my apartment building and he had a spare key, he would come up around lunch time and see what he could get her to eat. My roommates had tried to help out, but it wasn't something they were as comfortable doing as the friend who lived downstairs, so he volunteered as mid day nanny for Chloe. I would get text updates that I would check during my breaks in my work day, to see if she was doing okay and eating enough food.
I ultimately switched her from her bladder formula to a critical care formula. It had more calories ect for cats who might be struggling to eat.
Things were good for a couple weeks, and then one day her weight plummeted, in a period of 24 hours. I was so panicked, and my job at the time was far from my home. I couldn't check on her during the day, I don't drive. Even if I could get time off work (fat chance) I couldn't afford to, I had hundreds of dollars in vet bills to pay. Then my friend was having a hard time getting her to eat at lunch and I was so scared. I spent the day at work anxious, trying not to cry. I knew what I was being faced with, and didn't want to admit it. I wasn't ready. Please if she can just eat some more I will have more time.
Then on a Saturday I came home from work, and I unlocked the door.
Every single day, she would get up from where ever she was in the house and greet me at the door as I came in. She had done it for the last decade, every day with out fail. Even the day before, she got up, with her tongue sorta peeking out the side of her mouth. she would waddle over and greet me for a pat on the head.
This Saturday, August 1st 2015 was the first day she didn't greet me at the door. I looked over to her cat bed, she had turned her head over the side to see me. I looked at her and she didn't want to get up. She looked sad for the first time in her life. I put down my bags, and went over and sat down next to the bed on the floor. I pat her on the head and I only said one thing.
"I know"
It was time for us to say goodbye. The personality she had the day she came home from the vet, that told me she was still comfortable and happy, was gone. Its not fair to keep her here anymore, losing weight and waiting to die. I was worried sick about her all week, and that was not how we should have spent our last week together. It was tough on both of us. So I had to grow up, and do the right thing.
I phoned the vet office, and booked her euthanasia and cremation for the next morning.
My roommate accompanied me for the appointment.
9 am on Sunday Aug 2nd 2015
And I had to go to work, at 11 am afterwards.
(Yeah, I couldn't even get the day off work)
I now have her ashes on my shelf in a box with this photo on it
 |
| 10/10 Best Little Spoon |
 |
| These were the earrings I was using to raise money for Chloe |
My grandmother, who isn't even very fond of cats, offered to help me recoup the vet bill for her cremation. It took a huge weight off my shoulders. Hand outs are not something we ask for, or expect in our family. Some families, with out question, ones parents or grandparents would offer or be asked to help pay. This isn't how our family is, so it meant that much more that she reached out and offered a hand, just from seeing my Facebook posts about raising money for Chloe with my earrings. Over all it was about a thousand dollars for the diagnosing, euthanasia and cremation.
I think about Chloe every day, and I think back to the times where she wanted affection and I was too busy to take time to cuddle with her. Maybe I had to do chores around the house on my only day off, or I was trying to make dinner, or carrying a load of groceries in and had no free hands to pet her.
The fact that I didn't get as much time with her as I expected taught me that sometimes the world can wait. The dishes, will be there tomorrow. I have more clothes that I think I do, and eventually, yeah. the laundry will get done.
Take time.
Its okay to spend half of your day off cuddling your cat on the couch.
That's you + her time. Its important.
You NEVER know when your time is up.
With your pets, or with anyone.
This lesson made me a better cat Mom for Arya.
She is the kitty I have now, also a rescue.
I will introduce her in a up coming post very soon
It has made me a better friend, and a better person.
I still need to work on making time for the people I love.
I don't spend enough time with my family, they live 4 hours away.
I don''t drive and they don't travel.
10 years goes by so much more quickly than you think.
Chloe was there for me in that 10 year span, and I didn't spend much of it being there for my family.
I wasn't there when Jack our family dog was also diagnosed with cancer and had to be put down. He was younger than Chloe when he was diagnosed.
We thought we had more time.
I said goodbye to him on the phone, again, because I couldn't get out of work.
So I am still working on trying to be there. I make time for the people here the best I can.
Its a struggle and it always will be.
Every time I think about Chloe I'm reminded how important it is.
Sometime today, think about someone you love, and make time.
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