So if you have been following this series, you will know that I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.
To recap, Rheumatoid Arthritis is an Auto-Immune inflicted condition. It never goes away, it doesn't have a cure, and as I am beginning to learn, you will never have consistent or reliable relief. It targets all the joints in the body, but for my self, my knees, elbows, wrists and hands have been affected so far.
I thought once I had my diagnosis, started treatment and went to physio, I would be back to my old self again in time. But thats not the case. The old version of my self can never again be obtained.This lesson, I learned the hard way.
In short, as a result of my condition, I am now no longer employed.
At the end of this summer, I went from working as a receptionist from one salon, to another. I was very excited to start my new job in a growing business that needed my experience. I loved my new team and they were happy to have me. For the first time in a while, I felt valued as an employee. Something I so desperately needed. I have always been a hard worker, I pour my heart and soul into my job, to my own detriment sometimes.
There were new things to learn compared to my old employment, as they also offer tanning. Keeping the tanning beds clean between each client means this job is more physically demanding than the job I had previously, when I developed my condition. At first, this was fine, and I was adjusting well. I developed great relationships with clients, who told me that I was a "high point of their day" because I was always so cheerful and helpful.
Then as winter set in, tanning got much busier. We also lost some staff due to circumstances that were of no fault of my employer. The cold weather is also notorious for flaring up arthritic symptoms, and Rheumatoid Arthritis is no different. I was having a rough time, I was stressed, sore, and limping. Getting through even a 4 hour shift sometimes was killing me.
After consulting with my doctor, she recommend I reduce my schedule to part time hours so I can take the time to find other, less labour intensive employment. The full time hours while short handed on staff also kept me from making physio therapy appointments, and going in for the blood work I need to do every 4 weeks for my medication. So my doctor wrote me a doctors note, and we would re evaluate in 2 weeks, which was when I was scheduled to see my specialist again anyway.
So I went into work the next day and after discussing this with my supervisor, they already had concerns for me and my health and we decided it would be best if after the remaining scheduled hours were complete, I be casual/on call. Though I was issued an ROE and returned my key and codes, so I am for all intents and purposes, I am no longer employed there.
2 days after my last day was my specialist appointment. My specialist confirmed it was the scope of the work and the time of year that flared up my symptoms. She suspects the flare up will go away on its own after a couple weeks of taking it easy, and not spending too much time in the cold. But we have a back up plan to introduce a complimentary medication if it doesn't. - I have since confirmed that I'm actually allergic to this medication family, so this is no longer an option.
I have also submitted applications to Medical EI and Income Assistance for Persons with Disabilities. These applications are very arduous and take a long time to process. I've heard horror stories of it taking months to get your first payment. I do my best to keep the ball rolling on this so that it arrives before my savings run out. Thankfully, I have almost 2 months of a buffer before things really get hairy. However I also have an anxiety disorder so I panic as if I'm already at the end of that rope.
I am not currently treating my anxiety disorder at this time. I have a prescription for medication, but I am instructed not to start it till I have a spare Epi-Pen. There was a shortage recently when I went to fill that prescription before I lost my insurance, I am not sure if the shortage is over but I know I definitely don't have the money to pay out of pocket for it. The last time I filled one it was $112 and who knows what the rate is for them now. -I have had almost a dozen hospitalizations for anaplylactic reactions to drugs and preservatives (sulphites) so this is a necessary caution
SPEAKING OF EXPENSIVE PRESCRIPTIONS. I had a mental breakdown at the Pharmacy counter today. In front of several strangers. The medication I am on, and will be on for the rest of my life is Over $100 for a 3 month supply. This one medication will cost me over $400 a year. That isn't counting the contraceptive I am mandatory to take with this medication as this drug will cause birth defects should I get pregnant. That's about $120 a year. I also have to take Folic Acid with it to keep it from making me barf my guts out. Since its over the counter its not covered by anything even if I still had insurance, but you can claim it on your taxes. Though Folic Acid is not very expensive, its an expense none the less, its about $50 for the year. I cant put together an exact cost for other misc aids to my conditions, as their use varies on my symptoms. But there is also Tylenol, Epsom Salts, CBD, DMSO and other various supports I use for pain relief. All of which I pay out of pocket for. I don't think its anything less than $200 to keep those aids stocked in my home when I need them, but I'm certain its much more than that. So we are over $1000 a year already for medical expenses, just to manage my symptoms.
Having a medical condition always costs you money, even as a Canadian. I have to go out of town to see my specialist 4-6 times a year. My physiotherapy appointments, even with partial coverage from MSP are still $25 a visit, and I am supposed to go every week. I haven't been going the last 2 months. I was either too sore and didn't have the time when I was working, or I don't have the money because now I'm not working. Now we will have to start all over again because I've re injured my self. The only progress we maintained was in my elbows, my one knee is almost as bad as when we started.
Its been a very emotional few weeks for me. It took me a long time to love my self, and who I was as a person. Having to admit the best version of my self has expired, and learn to love this new me isn't easy. I always had pride in my self because I was dedicated and loyal to my work. I don't like sitting on my ass asking for hand outs, I like to make my own way with my own money that I earned. I have been employed since I was 13 years old. I've never spent more than a GRAND TOTAL of 4 months in the last 18 years with out work. Now I am going on EI. Now I am applying for Income Assistance for the first time in my life. I am trying SO HARD to get extra cash by selling handmade jewelry, my vintage video game collection, and any assets I may not need as much as I need the money. Its devastating. I'm embarrassed, ashamed, and to explain my situation takes a lot of time so people just don't get it. People are very judgmental, and love to tell you how to run your life.
I'm afraid to date. On paper, someone who is un employed for health reasons is a BIG red flag, especially for a guy who has been taken for a ride in the past. I don't want to introduce this version of my self to anyone. I've made my inner circle so tiny so that only the people I trust can actually see whats going on. My family doesn't even really know. I've put up these walls to protect my self from anything that might physically or emotionally harm me, which is everything because I'm so sensitive. I moved away from home when I was 17, and I do still see and talk to my family, but I cant say I'm very close with any of them. I don't get to visit as often as I would like to, so they don't know me anymore, not the real me anyway. Besides, we don't get hand outs in our family. I cant call Mom and Dad whenever I get dealt a bad hand and ask them to stack the deck for me. Its just not how we were raised.
Its a fact that the more alone you are, the more expensive life is in general. I don't split the rent or bills with anyone. My best friends keep me fed, and help me get to my appointments, and I cannot even fathom how I would get by with out them donating their time and seat at the table when its needed.
I'm not really sure what else to say about the subject right now, and I'm sorry it wasn't as dark and funny as my posts usually are. There isn't really a point or a message, just a very real look into what something like this is like living with. Just some stuff I needed to get off my chest to help me deal with the reality of my situation. I'm going to be okay, I'm always ok. I always figure it out. I always get by. But this is the hardest thing I've ever faced and its never going to ever really be over. That's the scary part.
